Earlier today, I was browsing your profile and I saw your latest status, which goes like this:

#totga
Syng tlga. . .
– feeling sad

And my heart went heavy, knowing that you were not referring to me, knowing that you still mean “her”. I never got to know her, not even her name. But I do know that she has made her mark in your life.

I remember last July 2014. We were still together then when I saw your status. You said that you miss her. I was broken. I thought then, “How could you still miss her after all these years? Am I not enough?”

I do not know if you still remember our discussion of it. I told you about how I felt and how it made me insecure. You told me that it was so long ago, that you are currently with me and you reminded me that you love me.

I love you and for me, it was reason enough for me to dismiss the issue. In my heart I knew that I was never going to fill the empty space in your heart that belongs to her.

And now, a year later, you still miss her. But I can feel that you miss her in a regretful-but-impossible-to-be-together-again kind of miss. And I still feel broken, even though we are still sorting out if we’re together or not again right now. But unlike last year, I will no longer be wondering how you can miss her after all these years and I won’t be thinking that I am not enough. Why? Because I know now that once you gave a part of your heart to someone, you never really get it back again even after the relationship.

And I have already resolved that I will not even try to take her place. I am me. She is she. We are two different but beautiful women who happened to love the same man. I could never be what she was to you and she could never be what I am to you.

So I will let you be sad. Grieve even if you must. Cry if you need to. Because I know that once you finally decided to let her go, it will be the end of you and her. And I will be here waiting for you, with all I am vulnerably laid out on the table, knowing that it will be the only way for me to convince you that this love I have for you is the only love you will never use #totga. For I will make sure that with me, your bruised, battered and weary heart will always have a refuge.

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