“How can I move on when I’m still in love with you?”
Thus sings Danny O’Donoghue of The Script in their famous song “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved”.
Moving on. It is a curious process that never ceases to pique my wonderment. Different people have different means of picking up the pieces of their lives after the end of a relationship. Sometimes, even the same person has different ways of regrouping after a heartbreak from different relationships.
I used to wonder before how people can just go on with their lives a few months after a long-term relationship ended as if nothing happened — or how some people cannot seem to go on with their lives several months after a short-term relationship ended. Now that I myself have been to those two roads, I don’t wonder anymore.
I realized, and I am only speaking for myself, that moving on goes down to two things: the depth of one’s commitment to the relationship and one’s willingness to let go of that commitment after it has ended.
And as of publishing time, I realized that I have just partly moved on from my last relationship. Yes, I do admit that I still cry over him and the way our relationship ended when my brain pulls out a file from my memory that will remind me of significant moments in our relationship. I also admit that I still love him, though now I see him not with rose-colored eyes but with eyes that see his character and faults and chooses to focus on the positive.
However, I have accepted already that there is no longer Ching and Chubz in existence. He is free to date whoever he wants to date, in the same way that I am free to date whoever I want to date (IF I have any intention of dating).
The only thing that is holding me back from totally letting go of him is the tenacious hope I have in my heart that we are still an unfinished business. I have no idea how our story will end nor how this will come to pass. I only know that right now, I am rooted where he left me, knowing that it will be the first place he’ll look for me should he have a change of heart.
PS: Today, exactly a year ago, was the first day we had a conversation. And in spite of the difficulties this relationship brought me, I do not for a single second regret a moment I invested in him.